My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
