it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Randomize
