I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
i came on her dog
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
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