the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I deserve this hangover.
Randomize
