those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
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