I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
