I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
this boner is exhausting
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Randomize
