I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
