she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Less talking, more tequila
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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