Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
