Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
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