I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
is this the sara with the beer cane?
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
