Who did Billy Mays play for?
home. puking in laundry basket.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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