I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
