just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Randomize