Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
