I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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