My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
