So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
