dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
