Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
