Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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