I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
