So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Randomize
