I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
