Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
