Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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