I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize