let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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