My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
