He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
is that a dick in a sweater?
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Randomize
