Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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