she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
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