You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
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