You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
