I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
