Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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