Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
