Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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