He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
