I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
