ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Randomize
