i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
