The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
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