First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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