you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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