I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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