so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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