Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
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Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
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The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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