I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
