Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
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