6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
