can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
