If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize
