Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
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