Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
