every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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