it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize