Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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