Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
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