At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
