I wanna bring you to show and tell
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
