someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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