Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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