You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
