it wasn't lemon gatorade
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
