I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
The beer is more important than you right now.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
