the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
