Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Woke up backwards on a recliner
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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