I'm jealous of your bromance
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
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