i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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