Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
