1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
