i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
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