walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
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Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
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Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
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