She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Randomize
