Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
