We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
