would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
