During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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