i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
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Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
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I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
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