Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
We are all done wearing pants today
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