She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
